


Babysitting, or, Teaching Barney's Nephew How to Fetch

by orphan_account



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-23
Updated: 2007-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:02:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney has a real emergency. He swears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babysitting, or, Teaching Barney's Nephew How to Fetch

  


Robin unlocked her door, throwing the keys onto the side table and kicking the door shut behind her. Sighing, she flopped onto her couch and leaned back with a groan.

"Well, that was a waste of time," she muttered, closing her eyes and running her fingers through her hair. It was at times like this that she really missed her dogs. They would sit on her lap or at her feet or they would just be _there_, and it was nice to come home from a bad date and curl up with them and watch a movie.

Now, she had a cigarette and a beer. Not a bad combination, mind you, but still.

Grabbing the remote, she turned on a cable station as she stood up to take her coat off and kick her shoes across the room. Settling back down, she flipped around until she found _Gladiator_ playing. Score.

The phone rang. Robin jumped, startled. Letting her heartbeat slow down a bit, she reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Robin?" The voice on the other end sounded frantic. "Oh, thank god. I need you. Right now. This is an emergency!"

She let out a breath. "Barney, is this a real emergency, or is it like that time you thought you saw Kevin Bacon and needed a second opinion, because - "

"Scherbatsky, there is no time to waste! Come on!"

"Barney," protested Robin, "I'm kind of in the middle of something here."

"Please. You're watching _Gladiator_ and smoking a cigarette while drinking a cheap beer. Seriously, when are you going to start buying the more high end stuff? You drink crap."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, that aside, how the hell do you know what I'm doing? Oh my god, are you outside my window?" Robin shot out of her seat, going to the window to check. She half expected to see him hanging off the side of her building with rappelling gear, dressed all in black.

Barney sighed impatiently. "I'm at my own apartment, and you still aren't on your way over here! Come on! And you always watch a Russell Crowe movie after a bad date. I don't really get it, but whatever. Mush, woman, mush!"

"It wasn't a bad date," Robin interjected feebly.

"He was from Nebraska, of course it was a bad date. Now are you coming?"

She stood in the middle of her apartment, debating silently. Finally, gritting her teeth, she agreed. "Fine. I'm coming. But this had better be a real emergency."

"It is, it is. Just hurry." Barney paused. "And could you pick up some beer on your way?"

\----

"This is why you needed me. This is the_ life-or-death emergency._" Robin stood in Barney's living room, flabbergasted.

"Hey, I never said life-or-death," he responded. "Just that it was a real emergency."

"And this qualifies?"

Barney looked down on his floor, where a blanket was spread out, along with numerous toys and stuffed animals. In the middle of all of that, lying on his back with a quizzical look in his eyes as he tried to grab his own toes, was Barney's one-year old nephew.

Barney looked up at Robin, desperation on his face. "What if he _poops_?"

"I don't know anything about kids!" she reminded him. "Why didn't you call the kindergarten teacher?"

His face darkened. "Lily Aldrin is never allowed back in this apartment. These hallowed grounds will never again be darkened by her domesticating presence."

She tilted her head. "Okay, seriously, what happened when she stayed here?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Robin sighed. "I...never mind." She stepped over to Barney's nephew, leaning over him. The baby looked back up, letting out a happy gurgle, reaching up towards Robin's dangling hair. "Okay, I'll say this. He's cute."

"Cute? He's awesome," Barney declared. "With the Stinson genes, how could he not be?"

"Isn't he adopt-"

"This little one is going to grow up to be just like his Uncle Barney," he interrupted. "Suits, cigars, an epic tale of awesome bachelorhood. It will be a legacy to pass on, from one Stinson to another, like a royal title. I'm Sir Barney Stinson, Duke of Awesome, and someday I'll pass the title to him." Barney trailed off, his gaze faraway and unfocused.

"You're, like, this close to buying a throne, aren't you?" Robin said, crossing her arms.

"Nah. Robe and scepter. Much cooler," he grinned.

Laughing, she turned away, taking off her coat and hanging it on his coat rack. Resigned to staying for a few hours, she sat on the couch. "So, what does he do?"

Barney sat next to her. "Not much. Sometimes he rolls over."

Robin nodded, leaning back thoughtfully. "We should teach him tricks."

"Scherbatsky, please," he said disdainfully. He paused. "Actually..."

\----

"Come on! You can do it! Go, go, go!" Robin cheered on Barney's nephew. The one-year-old was inching forward clumsily on his hands and knees, often flopping onto his belly, as he followed the old tie that Barney was dragging on the ground. Finally Barney dropped the tie, letting the baby catch up and inspect the fabric before sticking the end into his mouth with a pleased giggle.

"Not bad, youngster, not bad," Barney told his nephew. He looked up at Robin thoughtfully. "Do you think we could teach him to fetch?"

\----

They stood in the kitchen, watching the baby play happily with the turkey baster.

"Okay, so fetching is a _no_," Robin said. Then: "Can we train him to burp on command?"

Barney's eyes lit up. "Or poop on command!"

"Ew, no!"

\----

"What does the site say? Scherbatsky!"

"Just a second!" Robin scrolled down the page quickly, her eyes scanning the lines frantically. "Okay, found it!"

"Hurry!"

"First, take off the diaper."

"And let that smell out? Never!" Barney shook his head stubbornly. "Can't we just wrap his bottom half in a plastic bag until James gets here?"

She twisted around, glaring at him.

Barney let out a sharp breath. "Fine." He gingerly peeled back the sides, and then the front of the diaper. "Oh god, oh god, oh god..."

"Barney, come on, we all do this," Robin reminded him.

He snorted. "Easy for you to say, all the way on the other side of the room. And for your information, I never do this. I'm to awesome to create anything that smells this awful."

"Of course, I forgot," she said, turning back to the laptop with a smile. "Okay, throw the old diaper away and then clean him off with the wipes."

"I never told my mother I loved her enough," Barney said in a pained voice as he followed her instructions.

Robin couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.

\----

"Here," Robin said, handing Barney a beer and flopping down on the couch next to him. She glanced at him, following his fond gaze to his sleeping nephew, curled around a stuffed raccoon on the floor. "You really are a great uncle, you know."

"I do know," he responded. "I sort of put all other uncles to shame, don't I?"

She laughed, settling back. "Definitely my uncle. I only ever saw him at Thanksgiving - the real one - and he would watch hockey the whole time while getting progressively more drunk and angry. Fun times."

Barney looked at her. "Uncle issues. Hot."

"Cheers," Robin grinned, as they clinked bottles.

\----

Two hours later, James had come and gone and it was now just the two of them there, feet up on the coffee table while _Gladiator_ played on Barney's cornea-destroying flat-screen wall. "What's the draw of this television again?" Robin yawned, rubbing her eyes.

"They had to bring it over in a tug-boat, Robin. A tug-boat."

"Yeah, that's not a reason."

"Is so."

"In about six years your nephew is going to be more mature than you, just so you know," she said, her eyes feeling heavier by the minute.

She felt him shift on the couch, and then an arm was draping over her shoulders and she was leaning into him and his shirt was really, really soft.

"Robin," he whispered.

"Hmm?" She curled her feet up next to her, not opening her eyes.

"As long as we're here..."

"No, Barney."

"Fair enough."

And that was the story of how Barney and Robin first slept together.


End file.
